a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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