Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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