Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
