Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
