from now on my penis is your penis
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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