So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
