mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
