turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm like, not good at living.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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