I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's great music for shaving your balls
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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