Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
