Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
