i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
