I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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