I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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