I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
