He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
