Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
