put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
