This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
