Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
