HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i've created a new STD.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
