So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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