I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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