I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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