He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
