ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
