if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
