Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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