3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
