He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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