I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
