the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
