Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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