So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
