You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's shark week go big or go home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
