CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
