I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
