dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
