i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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