I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Houston, we have a squirter
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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