Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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