i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
