yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
