My sheets look like a crime scene.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
