Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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