My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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