9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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