I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
