Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I cut my penus on the lid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
