This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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